(Day 5) The Adventures of Jaxon's Birthday

We sound like total idiots. We are developing some sort of a made up Russian accent, thinking that maybe if we say American words with it, the kids can understand us better. Aaron, however,  has stuck with his go-to, very loud Colombian accent and puts inflection on the ends of his words so that each word seems like a question. We use spurty sentences (I know spurty isn't a word because my spell check keeps going nuts about it, but I can't think of another word to describe the act of constructing sentences with short spurts of words as if that were going to help anything). The use of onomatopoeia and charades keeps our fitness levels in check and much of the time I just walk around repeating a breathy sort of "OK", with a nod of my head.

The beauty of all this is that we can say anything and it doesn't really matter. I can smile at the kids and say, "You have a huge booger in your nose," while nodding my head and patting my stomach and they will say "Yeazzz" (that's 'yes' in case you don't have a Russian accent either) because they think I'm asking them if they are hungry.

And don't let anyone fool you into thinking you are really communicating when you use google translate. I thought we were clicking along famously until I figured out how to put a Russian keyboard on the phone and they started writing to me. When we went to the lake to swim yesterday with my friend Sasha asked to use my phone when we got back in the car. He typed out his message -  "We eat lady." I then typed, "Sasha like lady?" Big smile. I didn't touch that one. We drove away. Far far away from lady.

For the love of all things sacred and holy, we need to learn some English around here. No more "dush". We shower here in America - we don't douche. And for their information,  I DO know that Sasha is calling his sister a bitch when he says "suka". Thanks to my teenage daughter for pointing that one out. I didn't teach him the English version but I'm pretty sure the message on my "mom" face conveyed my disgust and disapproval.

This morning I got up before the kids (well, every morning I get up before the kids but saying it here sets the stage for the story). I snuck into the kitchen and logged onto their facebook account. I have been letting them log in and post pictures for a few minutes each day and I was just curious to nose around their pages. Since it's Ukranian facebook I can't read a thing so I wasn't sure whose account I was in. Judging by the pictures I was pretty sure it was Sasha's. No hard porn, just the Abercrombie and Fitch flavor. A little lacy panty shot with a hand giving a spank. Some passionate kisses. Underwear. That sort of thing. Later when Ilona woke up and came downstairs she asked if she could log on. I watched her pull the account up and then innocently asked if it was Sasha's account. She said, "No, Ilona's." Oh my.  I'm not sure what answer would be worse. From what I could make out these were not photos she posted, rather ones on her wall posted from her friends. Wondering about her taste in friends. Wondering about my sanity.

I conducted our first family English class today. Desperate times drove me to it. I would say it went OK at best, but when we finished each one of them had a nicely written alphabet in their new notebooks and they learned that when I say sit and listen I mean business.

The girls studying English

Sasha not so much

That's better

After English, we set out on a simple shopping trip to Target. I took the 3 kids with me so we could get them a few things. I tried once again to convince Ilona to try out the nice modest swimsuits and that didn't help my popularity with any of them. Then something went down in the shoe department and the 3 of them started yelling at each other full blast. I pulled out my charades moves and they didn't seem to notice. I said SUSH!! Nothing. So finally I had to physically put my hand over Alina's mouth so I could stop the madness. Sasha muttered something and then decided he wanted to explore the giant "magaziny"(store) by himself. We were in the bra section so I told him he could go look at the boys department for a minute. After about 15 minutes I realized I lost him. That's when the girls loud voices came in handy. When we were all reunited I made sure Sasha had a job to do. He helped Ilona pick out the correct absorbency of maxi pads, Alina pick out the perfect shade of nail polish, and for himself, a 180 piece pack of gum to help calm his non-smoking nerves.

Exploring Target

Since it was Jaxon's birthday today, Aaron took the afternoon off and we went boating on Lake Austin. I've never seen a guy with a missing front tooth smile as big as Sasha did as he watched Ilona take the first turn on the tube. All the kids were infectiously giddy as they experienced the boat ride, the toys and swimming in the lake. Sasha finally got his wish to drive something and we hung on for dear life as he drove us toward the dock at the end of the day.

We had a birthday dinner celebration with grilled steak and chicken (the kids wouldn't touch the steak) and then Jaxon got his present - a dirt bike. I'm not sure who was more excited about it, Jaxon or Sasha.  After Jaxon took his first ride and launched his new bike up the front of Aaron's truck, Sasha had a turn and has been downright obsessed with it ever since.

I'm so thankful that 11 years ago I became the mother to Jaxon. No matter what size our family is or what goes on in our lives, he will always have a special piece in my heart reserved only for him. I love that he happily shared his birthday with 3 new "siblings" and that he makes being his mom a privilege I look forward to every day. Happy birthday my little man. I love you!!